Categories
Blather Silly

Tik Tok Will Always Be First and Foremost a Song by Kesha

The title is pretty self-explanatory.

There’s not much else I can say…

My 10-year old cousin tried to trick me into signing up for Tik Tok and when I said, “girl, I do not want to Tik Tok” she said “fine, then let me use your email address to make a Millie Bobbie Brown fan account.

Like…what?

What ever happened to “Wake up in the morning feelin’ like P. Diddy?

Kesha, where are you, girl, and why aren’t you fighting for your legacy?

Tik Tok is HERS. Even the spelling.

And like, I know that was back in the Ke$ha with a “$” days, but just because you outgrow the use of symbols in your name does not mean you abandon your firstborn creation and let a Chinese company turn it into Instagram-but-if-it-was-just-little-mini-snapchat-videos“...right?

Maybe it’s just me. Maybe I just hold a lot of nostalgia for the days of “Tik-tok on the clock but the party don’t stop, no…Oh, whoa, whoa-oh, Oh, whoa, whoa-oh.”

The first time I heard the song in 2009 was on the way home from the hospital after chemo…and I was like…wow I missed a lot while I was on the inside. This is what the kids are listening to now?

This…

This…

This new “singing”…

No, no…not singing…

This prattling on pitch

It’s genius. I, too, desire to brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack.

And I hadn’t brushed my teeth at all that year.

Kesha inspired me to brush again…

She showed me that if I could pull through this crappy time in my life then a bathtub full of glitter and watery mascara awaited me…

Afternoons filled with pedicures on our toes, toes…

Boys blowing up our phones, phones.

All of this would be mine if I could just hold on…

I’m not kidding when I say that I played her first album throughout my whole recovery in 2010. The under-rated “Stephen”….the gut-wrenching, “threw-up-on-myself-at-a-party-thus-effectively-ending-the-party” anthem, “Hungover.”

I know I’m often dripping with irony and sarcasm because I fancy myself a snobby cynic, but I genuinely mean this. These songs returned me to regular young-adult stupidity after a year and a half of big-kid trauma.

“Animal…”

“Kiss N Tell…”

“TAKE IT OFF!?!??!”

NEED I GO ON?

And that was just the first album…

And, to think, it all began with “Tik Tok.”

But “Tik Tok” means something else now…

I know I need to stop living in the past, but it’s hard. Growing up, growing older…they don’t tell you that your favorite songs get turned into apps before your very eyes and there’s nothing you can do about it…

Nothing you can do but take a deep breath and remember the good times.

Growing pains…

Kesha, I honor you, thus:

I’m sick and tired of the mess you made me
Never gonna catch me cry oh, whoa, whoa
You must be blind if you can’t see
You’ll miss me till the day you die…

–Ke$ha, “BLIND”

Categories
Blather Diary life mindfulness Silly

can you point me toward the self-help books for people who read too many self-help books

AwWwWwwWWWw sh***********************t….

I didn’t post last week. You’ve all been flooding my inbox and text messages and sliding into my DMs like “omgggg Jesse where you been, girl, what have you been up to you’re so fascinating I need to know what series you finished on Netlix and if you solved world hunger and what you’re listening tooooooooooooo.”

And the answers are Bates Motel, No, and “God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman.”

Also nobody asked those things.

Nobody even noticed I was gone.

Not one of you.

And so I was like “f**k them they don’t even miss me.”

But then yesterday I got an email from a total stranger via my contact page saying “hey I found your website you’re really funny” and I was like:

So I decided to forgive you all.

I’m still chillin’ over here restyling and re-imagining myself every single day. Last week I thought it might be nice to look for work on a Christmas tree farm, but then I remembered “hard labor” and “cold” and “outside” and “people” and “axes”.

This week I might be a paralegal and next week could be anything from lunch lady to literally Kristin Wiig’s “Target Lady.”

But actually I’ve been thinking “hey, Jess, maybe the rest of fun-employment should be dedicated to establishing good habits and undoing bad ones so that when you DO go back to work you can be the bestest, most functional d**n lunch lady or Target lady or Christmas-tree-cutter-downer that ever lived.

And then I was like “ooooh, that’s good. Write it down in your diary.”

And then I was like “omg you don’t KEEP a diary.”

And then I was like “I’ll START with keeping a diary.”

So I started keeping a diary, and my next goal is to maximize the time I’m awake between 6:45am and 7:45am.

So my boyfriend wakes us up at 5:45am (for his “j0b”, EYEROLL) and then I fall back to sleep until 6:30am, when he insists on waking me up to “chat” for a few minutes before he leaves (for his “j0b”, EYEROLL). Even though sometimes I can be cruel and hurtful and say things like “I want to punch you in the face with pointy blood-diamonds on every finger.

I am very protective of my sleep.

So anyway, he leaves at like 6:45am, and I always decide that while I’m conscious, I might as well check my email JUST in case, overnight, like, someone found my website and wants to give me a book deal…or I’ve been discovered on YouTube and Casey Nicholaw thinks I’m the only actress who can relaunch Broadway…or like, @vintagespadefashion wants me to collab on Instagram to sell their repurposed fiberglass watches (?).

You never know.

And SOMETIMES…

SOMETIMES! I even GET OUT OF BED, GET A GLASS OF GREEN JUICE, SIT ON THE COUCH, AND PUT ON MORNING JOE.

However, from there…I just end up falling back to sleep. I need to find something to do–something enticing to groggy-wake-up-Jesse–that will keep me awake and keep up the momentum.

Momentum (n) the quantity of motion of a moving body, as measured as a product of its mass and velocity

WHOA. Sorry. Dating a physics teacher.

K, so, like, this morning instead of making a cup of coffee and free-writing, I cuddled up on the couch and checked in on the Ryan Phillippe/Ellen Degeneres feud, of which I am obviously Team Ryan because of the escalator in Cruel Intentions.

Then I decided I should follow him on Instagram.

Then I realized he doesn’t have Instagram.

Then I stalked a bunch of Ryan Phillippe fan accounts.

Then I watched the Cruel Intentions escalator scene on YouTube.

Then nssssglkjlrilsdfkglfdjsgo[rwehgowprh….

It was not a process conducive to starting a productive day. That 6:45am-7:45am hour is CRITICAL for me.

So that’s one habit I’m working on.

Or, rather, it’s a habit I’m wishing to change. I don’t know if I can necessarily say I’m “working” very hard on it.

I’m also trying to work on just staying in the present. Mindfulness. Appreciating the fall colors. Appreciating the people around me, the things I have, yadda yadda yadda…

And, see, the thing is, I know that having a stricter meditation schedule would really help with that.

But instead of meditating and focusing on my breath and all that jazz, I seem to prefer READING about mediation and focusing on the breath.

I have read so many books on meditation, mindfulness, and even on habit forming. But instead of finishing the books and then putting the subject matter into practice, I prefer to just read ANOTHER book about the same thing.

Which got me thinking….

MAYBE READING ABOUT MEDITATION AND MINDFULNESS IS MY FORM OF MEDITATION AND MINDFULNESS.

AND THEN I WENT LIKE

OR! OR! OR! I’m ADDICTED TO SELF-HELP BOOKS AND IT’S WHAT THE SELF-HELP BOOK PEOPLE WANT SO THAT I’LL BUY MORE BOOKS!!!!!!!!

AaaaaAAAAaAaaaAAhhhhhhhhhhhh

aslfkdjslf;hg;jhkjtlsr;mfkdlv;zkvsl;nfkmg;hnbskrt;hjs!!!!!!!!!!!!!

__________________________________________________________

And in conclusion:

I should prolly just focus on getting a job.

PS. I voted! And if Joe Biden gets elected, I might just write us all a self-help book for the end of the Trump Era titled“What the F**K Did I Just Watch”

Also, don’t forget you can SUBSCRIBE to my blog on my HOME PAGE! WHOAAAAA then you’ll never miss a SECOND of the EXCITEMENT!!!

PPS: